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Still in a Hundred Years
Friday, June 14, 2013 * : Alright, thanks yourself! [he hangs up] And now to do something I've been waiting to do for the whole day: Watch a little something called Battle of Country Star Lolwut Season 69 Hurt and Heal.Sounds realistic enough for an object show on that wiki. Sure it's low quality, but it's so bad it's good. [He heads to the couch, but as he pushes the power button, the doorbell rings. He gets up and opens the door, of which Pencil is on the other end] * : Oi, me boy! * : I've been waiting for you all day! [they kiss] So how was your trip to the spa? * : Great! Match an' I both got herzgenamlafebes. * : What? All I heard was herzge-something. * : Alrigh', got yer game plan ready? * : You watch the girls, I watch the boys. * : An' if somehow ther 'ouse explodes er somethin', we've got the fire station on speed dial. * : Okay, we are prepared! [he opens the door] Ye huddled masses of youth, come as you are! * : "Come as ye are"? Wot's thet mean? * : I don't know, I think it's from a song. [Nobody arrives, even after the time they usually get home.] * : Did we do it wrong? * : No, m8, we ha' raised ten amazin', slightly problematic children! * : Call it off, then? * : Right-o. [Later, Pencil and Pen are reclining on the couch, watching BOCSLS69HAH.] :Unnamed Host: And we have no choice but to eliminate all of the characters because someone signed up twice! [laugh track] * : Why'd they e'en add a laugh track? It ain' funny at all! * : Hey, I've always wondered something. * : Aye? * : Remember that video we made last month or so? * : Oh yeah, the one when we were singin' thet 'it song "Be Quiet an' Make Dancin' Motions" with the K! * : I want to watch it again, just to relive the memories. * : You go do thet. I'll tell'ee the fate of the show. :Unnamed Host: In twentieth place, or was it first place? Never mind, it was [Before he signs in, and before the winner is revealed, all of the kids rush in chaotically. A. R. I.] * : Hey, Dad, I need to Uso the Friendship Group and convince them not to go on a North American tour. * : And after that, I need to see if I got any more coins on BeautyBop! * : How about the PC upstairs? * : Sorry, I've got to join the message board #GamersOnSummerHolidays! * : And if you're thinking of accessing the Internet on the TV, too bad! [The kids rush to their rooms for technology, and soon as that happens, a digital sound effect sounds.] *'Kids': DAD, YOU'VE GOT AN E-MAIL! * : I've got it! * : Oi, y'got e-mail? * : Yeah, it's got "Urgent" written all over it. * : 'S it about me? * : I don't know, I haven't read it yet [The generic rumbling of a large number of children.] * : Brace yourself, Penc. * : They're a-comin'. [Cut to all of the kids standing around, surrounding their parents.] * : So, yer sayin' you've all read thet e-mail? * : Yeah, and Avi's got it stored up in his memory! * : "Greetings, Signore and Madame ..." * : Go on. * : I can't, I don't like saying your names. * : For 's sake, it's Pen and Pencil, damn it! [A. R. I.] * : Oi, language! An' get to the juicy bits, I'm goin' to find out 'o wins BOCSLS69HAH. * : Oh, they're extending the finale twenty minutes because the host has to come up with a cool ending on the spot. * : Hey, let Avi read ... even though we've all read it earlier. * : "Due to the success of our company's latest video Be Quiet and Make Dancing Motions, the Kwanzajinawa Opera Company have been invited to the country that has most enjoyed our videos, to perform Ruddigore at the Wallstone Lee Theater in Mattsborough, Askaterra. If you should not know in which that subdivision lies, the International Airport in Atlanta is three hours away, if travelling by foot. Thank you, Oksijeni Chembe." * : Wow. * : She also sent another e-mail in Kiswahili: "Kutokana na * : Okay, h'Avi, you can stop now, thanks'ee. * : I can't believe it … kids, we're all going to America! *'All': Yay! * : Wait, isn't Askaterra, like, a really dangerous place for foreigners? * : True, on America day in our world history class, a lot of attacks have happened in that state.By the way, Askaterra isn't real. *'All': Aww. * : That was probably the past, when people were all acrist.Acrism being a showism meaning discrimination against limb status. I'm sure they're a lot better now. Besides, I just checked their electoral map and they all voted red!Contrary to other parts of the world, Americans vote red for their more conservative party and blue for the other. *'All': Yay! * : Apparently, Boat and her people are in Askaterra right now. They're helping decorate for tomorrow's show! * : Wait, the show's tomorrow? * : At eight at night. * : Excuse me language, but ! * : Don't worry, twenty hundred is oh three hundred here … it's the fourteenth of June now but then it would be two days after. We've still got time. Here, I'm going to book a flight right now. * : Huh? * : It's eight p.m. there, but it would be three in the morning here. *'All': Oh. [At this point, all of the other kids are watching TV, playing on their own computers, etc.] * : [on the computer, partially to himself] So if it takes two hours just to get everything ready right now, we'll be airborne by 1700 tonight, but then we have to make a stop in Amsterdam, and then we make it to Atlanta, but I can't do that, so we'll have to take the flight coming off Doha, that's in Qatar, and overall it should take approximately twenty-five hours. We should be arriving at 1800 on 15, in Atlanta that is just 11. [All of this, of course, is to be spoken with such briskness that a military officer .] WAIT, WE CAN'T DO THAT! * : Why not? * : It costs 1.2 million shillings! * : Omg, this is the first time you realise that money's limited! * : No, Lallie, it's just that it's so much money that Grandpa'll definitely know we'll've gone out of country. * : Aye, thet's one of 'is ground rules! Remember? [Flashback to .] : : All right, you people can have a share of my money flow. But only because you're my favourite son. [The family cheer.] : : But, and there's a but … don't think of going to any country that I haven't been to, got that? So that means … [he hums an all-too-familiar tune in his head] No Hong Kong, no Abu Dhabi, no Qatar and no Yugoslavia. : : O' course! : : I don't care, I still hear you saying I'm your favourite son. [End flashback.] * : [sigh] I should have known it was from that old list-song standard, only one of them is a sovereign nation! * : So if no Qatar, we'll 'ave to go th' Amsterdam way. Y' okay with thet? * : No … I'm not. [He is about to go upstairs to his room.] * : You're goin' ter 'ave to go to that continent someday, whether y'like it er not! * : Well, I'm not taking that route this time, okay? * : Oi, stop bein' so stubborn! It ain' like a new form o' transport'll jus' come inter existence when y'want'e to be! * : [who is by the boys' room, not looking at his wife] Or maybe there is. [He sees that on Javier's computer, there is a picture of a rocket.] Saturday, June 15, 2013 * : An' 'ow long d'ye think this should be fixed by? *'Voice': You've already asked that question already! * : Don't talk to our mother like that! * : Yeah, we don't even know who you are! *'Voice': Really? Because most people know who I am. * : I think there's a daycare somewhere. * : Good, I'm bored here! [Exeunt filii omnes. At the same time, the voice goes to the other side of the rocket, revealing himself to be Firey.''The audience do not cheer because of his appearance in the episode just prior episode, .] * | }}: Firey? * : I know who I am, sir, I am a bunch of things: Winner of BFDI, participant of BFDIA, Army vet ... sir. * : 'E's forgat 'usband of a maniac ... * : Were you saying something that could also apply to General Sofer, ma'am? * : Wot? I's a-jus' askin' why yer not goin' to the Kwanzajinawer American tour like the res' of us ... which 'appens a lot sooner than I thought, so 'urry up. * : I'd like to I mean, I've got the e-mail and I'd love to play Robin, but I'd rather just show up at Coiny's place and put post-it notes on his walls, saying "I won BFDI, you little f * : ''O-kay, we're on a stric' schedule an' we's got to make'er inner Askaterra soon, so can we 'urry'e h'up now? * : Righto, ma'am. * : Hey, why do you keep obsessing over BFDI, anyways? * : Well, I've been pretty bored. Living a double life gets really tiring, you know. * : This place is like inventors' heaven! * : I don't think this is a daycare. * : Yeah, where are the toys? * : Here's one! [He pulls a lever, and a blue-coloured gas comes out. The other kids at once yell at him to stop, A. R. I.] * : Fine. So far, I like this toy! * : Oh my gosh, a number box! * : And it's the only thing that's glowing around here! * : Ooh, it's got to be good. [They see the sign saying 0.0000008.] * : Is this some sort of joke? * : It actually is. See, that number spells "Booooooo" if you look upside down. * : I love these! [he types numbers on the keypad] 379001 spells Loogle. [Everyone laughs.] * : But what's the "c" mean? * : Usually the speed of light. Doesn't seem important though! * : I know one too this spells "boobless legs". [Everyone laughs again, and then they all type numbers on the keypad.] * : ... and that's why I've been so obsessed with my victory on BFDI. You understand me, right, ma'am? * : [who has been crying] Thet ... 'twas so h'inspirin'! I'm goin' a find a toilet to cry on now. * : It's 13:00 right now. * : Ne'er mind. WATOTO! * : Meanwhile, I'm going to check the speed. Apparently the last guy got fired because he forgot to check, and the plane barely left the ground. [sigh] My boss is a total jerk. * : Oi, kids! Get in the plane, we're, like, leavin'! * : It's not a plane, it's a rocket! * : 'O cares? [At once they all run into it. Citlali looks back in awe.] * : Omg, was that Firey from BFDI? * : Aye, but we've no time at all! * : [looking out the window] You're so cool! [Enter Pen into the rocket.] * : Hey, this is pretty roomy! * : Can I start this thing? * : Aye, if y'wan' us to land somewhere completely ridiculous. So drive this thing, Firey! * : WAIT! * : Oi, wot'n'ale's'ee now? * : Hey, I commanded him; the least you could do is to be nice to the little guy. * : 'E's your problem, 'e h'ain' mine. * : This so goes against my Army Honour Code! * : Great, another disagreement. * : But now it's in an enclosed space! * : [from outside] I can't let you go, sir! The speed is all messed up! * : Aw, seriously? * : I guess it's time for me to get the best repairman in the land. [Cut to Firey working on the machine with Eraser, together with Match standing behind them.] * : Yep, looks like something is wrong. * : Really? Y'got Eraser's the bes' repairman in the land! * : Omg, hi, Penc-penc! *'Kids': Hi, aunt Match! * : Come inside. * : Kay-kay! [She climbs in.] * : Why him? 'E h'ain' a mechanic! * : No, but he does, like, the addition with him every week. * : [sigh] When your success after BFDI is if you're an addict or not. Hashtag * : Dad, please don't make this into a meme. * : Or a Tweighter tag. * : Anyway, d'ye got ther e-mail from Chembe's e-mail? * : Yeah, but I knew you wouldn't read it until later, and I just wanted a ride with all of you. * : Then welcome aboard, Match; I'll be the captain this time! [Everyone groans.] * : Hey, people, I fixed it! We are safe to go! * : You will be landing in Atlanta in sixteen hours should everything go smoothly. Kaló taxídi! * : Hey, Greek! Where'd you learn it? * : My boss, he wants me to say it to everyone who leaves. * : By any chance is his name Aristotelis? * : Yeah, it is! * : Told'ee 'twas an A+ business. * : Hey, if you want to get promoted to his level, speak to him in Italian. * : Yeah, right before you get yourself fired. Listen, evcharistó for the good luck. * : E-what now? * : Never mind. * : [poking her head off the window] 't means thanks'ee! [Firey waves goodbye.] * : Goodbye! Make sure my understudy can patter! See you soon! [The rocket disappears from sight instantly.] * : [to the approaching manager] Dude, I'm so multiplied, I could have sworn there was a rocket. * : Firey, how fast was that rocket going? * : I don't know, it was whatever Eraser put in. He played with the speed, the acceleration, all that! * : Eraser isn't a mechanic, he's the owner's son. * : Oh no, he probably typed in a bunch of random numbers! * : Oooooooooh, you are so in trouble! * : Ain' this cool, kids? We're actually in a rocket ship! * : Yeah! * : Well, not for us. We've been in a ship like this one! * : It's true. I bet this was the ship we were, like, in, too! * : Well, in sixteen hours we'll be in a different country than where we woke up. * : Omg, I can't wait! * : Me neither! That's why I brought my Askaterran phrasebook. * : Askaterran ain' a language, boy. They very well speak proper an' Americanly h'English there. * : No, but it's a dialect. Maybe if I learn the basics I can * : Understand what the locals are saying, I like it! * : I was going to say devise a voice-changer to make myself sound like an Askaterran so I can fit in better! * : Oh. * : No one wants to be uncool, Avi. * : You know what? * : O''-kay, we all hate each other. Why not just enjoy the ride while we're on it and let's watch this peaceful background go by. [''He reclines in his seat on top of the control panels.] * : [jokingly] And to think we've let this man run our country's military. * : Hey general, that peaceful background is, like, nothing. Literally nothing! * : She's right. I can't see out the window. [Outside the window is simply darkness.] * : Maybe it's night an' we're on the ocean! * : Don't your kids have a rule that's, like, when it's dark you go sleep? * : O' course not! * : Yeah, we've got no bedtimes! * : Except for Cil. * : [who is sleeping] Xxxxaaaaaa ... googoogoogoogoogoogoo ... xxxxaaaaaaaa ... * : According to my calculations, we should still be in Kenya. * : Saye, take yer frattles into the kids' room, 'e's sleepin'. * : Okay! Come along, my children. [Exeunt filii.] * : Here, let me fix the GPS thing. I am an excellent repairman. * : Oh, yes you are! * : Maybe thet's why we've got a nice view o' much ado 'bou' nothin'! * : Fixed it! * : Good, where are we? * : Currently flying above the Azerbaidzhani Soviet Socialist Republic. * : Typical, Dad hasn't updated his map since I was born. Try refreshing it again! * : Now we're over St Christopher Nevis Anguilla. * : Okay, it's before 1978. * : Wait, 'ow'd we go from the Middle East to the Caribbean in, like, five seconds? * : We're probably going really fast. How fast did you make this rocket, Eraser? * : I don't know, I just like smashing buttons. [Enter Sio and Javier.] * : Dad, can Avi ask Uncle Eraser a question? * : Sure! What is it, kid? * : Were you playing with the numbers on that box thing? * : That box thing earlier? Hell yeah, I was! * : That's ... kind of the problem. * : What'd you mean? * : Well, since you messed up our speed, we are currently travelling back in time as we are more than the speed of light. * : I thought thet wasn' possible! * : May we see the controls? * : Sure! * : Aww, they're so cute! Definitely di'n' get'e skill from me! [Sio opens the controls latch and sees just something resembling the arrow keys of a video game] * : It's that easy, eh? * : I thought there'd be controls. * : Now you don't want to fly up into space, and you don't want to crash land onto the ground, which can happen when you press the down arrow. * : What's that, press the down arrow? * : Wait, Avi, I meant It appears to be a farm, and at once the rocket lands on the ground. A cloud of smoke, A. R. I.}} * : Omg! * : Kids, 'r'ye'll right? [They are revealed to have been sitting in a circle.] * : Mum, you interrupted our game! * : To be honest, so did the crash. Look, we're surrounded by air! * : Yeah ... sorry about that. * : So it was you who did all this! * : Don't yell at him, he's been through serious, like, stuff. * : Omg, are we on a farm? * : Aye, but it don' look like any farm I's e'er seen in Kenya. * : Gross, I hate rural areas! * : Aunt Match, just being curious, but where do you think your food comes from? * : Twice the Half Foods, of course. * : Yeah, I want to go to a city! I'm dying for a sum right now. * : Hey, I was on the high school varsity ... *'Everyone': ... baseball team, and I served, what? Like twenty years extending my national service, so I feel like the only person out here who's roughed himself up. * : You migh' h'a' mentioned'e before once or twice. * : Or more like 15 times. * : But those words meant a lot, y'know. * : And then Mum says "Aye, but not in the right places." * : I'd laugh once we go, like, somewhere. This places is, like, totally sad! * : Agreed. It's 2013, where are the, like, colours? * : I'll lead th' way, considerin' I'm th' only one 'o 'asn' complained yet! * : That in itself counts as a complaint, Pencil. * : What's that? * : It's an egg. * : Like the one in our breakfast sandwiches! * : Yep! Y'know eating raw eggs will help you grow up big and strong, just like me! * : Sure, Dad. * : Y'migh' not want ter eat thet. 'O knows 'o touched 'et out 'ere! * : We don't even know where we, like, are! * : Oh, it's just a little egg. * : And Mum went crazy!I 0009 [awkward silence] What? There's never a bad time to make a BFDI reference. * : Lallie, honey, being on BFDI was the worst *'Voice': Hey! * : Oh my supply bag, we've been discovered! * : [rapidly] Technically in order to be discovered we need to have done something intentionally without the notice of the person in question * : Shut up, Pen, like, time to run! [They all flee.] * : That's right, a m [the sky gets cloudy for some reason, but briefly] d group of strangely-dressed, colourful individuals ain't got no purpose stealin' the eggs in the belonging of me! * : How did we get here so quickly? * : I don't know, but, like, that crazy farmer chased us that far. * : At least we're safe on the streets. * : The best part: there's no people! [On the street corner, period architecture is shown.] * : According to my history class, this appears to be, like, olden-days America ... or 1920s Singapore, we studied both of them on the same day. * : Ha, you actually remembered something from school! * : Yeah, we should all be frolicking in the summer breeze! * : Oh, kids, so much's been a-goin' on, I fergot ter ask'ee ... 'ow was yer las' day o' school? [A. R. I.] * : It was great! Even the part where Rambling Rosemary told me I was a pushover. What's that mean? * : Pushovers are people who get picked on and they do not defend themselves. * : My daughter ain' no pushover! [She looks back and Yaretzi's fallen down on the road.] * : Alrigh', wot 'appened? * : Chavo pushed me over. * : I had to! You people were talking way too much! * : Well, y' should get up before [A man with a cart accidentally goes over her. The man stops.] * : Excuse me, sir, your weird wheel thingy has just gone over my face. * : Ha! [He walks away.] * : To think that it would be well for me to assist y'all people. That road yonder is where ye belong! * : Wot'n'ale? * : I hope the other people on the streets will be nicer. [Fade out to them still walking in the town. Nobody is on the streets.] * : Omg, where is everyone? I want the world to see how, like, beautiful I am today! * : The object-ologists must call this a walk-cycle! Heh. Bruh. * : Please don't tell me you're still high added up. [Camera shot of in front of them. As they walk by, the people on the street get out of hiding from various areas and business continues as usual.] * : Omg, I can't take it any longer! * : The fac' thet we've been walkin' fer three hours in circles? * : That and that I haven't taken a selfie since we got off the plane! * : Go ahead. I'm sure nothin'll 'appen. [She takes a selfie.] * : This is so going on PYM! # ... er ... walkcycles. Omg, why can't I post anything? * : Yeah, I can't call my friends—there's no mobile reception here. * : Nice job, Dad, why couldn't we have landed somewhere with Wi-Fi? * : For the last time, I didn't land the plane. * : But the person who did will gladly fix your phone. [Citlali looks confused] Hand it over. * : Kay. [As soon as Sio gets the phone, some stranger snatches it. Both Citlali and the stranger scream.] * : Be gone, mystical tablet of malice! * : Excuse me, bibi, that's my phone! * : Phone? As in phonograph? * : Uh, sure, whatever that is. That is my MePhone 6; if you want your own, go to the Meeple store! [Awkward silence.] * : I believe you meant to say, "to the Meeple store, ma'am". * : Huh? * : Musume yo keii o mochi kono on'na ni hanase! * : [quickly] To the Meeple store, ma'am! * : Whene'er the situation arises where me kids need to be respectful, I jus' tell 'em in Japane * : I'm sorry, I can't be seen here associatin' with y'all people. [she walks away] Bless their heart, them Yankees got some real bad mannerisms. [Everyone except Citlali stands in shock.] * : What just happened? * : I think Lallie's made a new friend! * : And a new enemy. * : Let's just find a hotel. This seems like a place where doing addition is illegal. *'Everyone': [with sarcasm] No! * : [approaching the front desk] 'Ello, I'd like fer me an' me family to stay a' this 'otel. 'A ye any rooms? * : I'm sorry, but y'all are standing in the wrong line. [They stand on the right side of the desk. A. R. I.] * : Go whither I can't see y'all. [They are about to exit the building.] * : [indicating Pen, Eraser and Match] Y'all three, stay. * : Ok ... * : So y'all three want a room. We'll get you a room. * : I can't believe they jus' let us out like thet. 'S'e h'acos they di'n' speak up? *'Voice': No. * : 'O says thet? [The food stand reveals itself to be two people.] *'Voice': I did. * : An' 'o're'ee? *'Voice': My name is Apoelia, and this is my, er, husband Maysador. * : Hello. * : It's nice to meet'ee. * : You might be the first nice person we've met all day, and we've seen some horrible specimens out here! * : Oh! * : Oi, Zorah, it's not thet nice to talk about yerself on a firs' meetin' o' someone; let's not be selfish ... So Apoelia, eh? Me 'usband's family's come from thet region. 'Twas 'is late mum's side to be h'exact, but fer some reason 'e jus' don' wan' to go there * : I pardon to interrupt, but did you mean the family that just went inside? [Bezzilene lets Pen, Eraser and Match inside from the lobby.] * : The ? [Apoelia and Maysador gasp in horror.] * : Sorry fer me swearin', where I come from, thet is, an 'ouse with ten kids, it's normal! Watoto, play along in thet grassland! [All of the kids run/amble/whatever to the grassland, causing the other children to flee.] * : Yes, a park to ourselves! * : So ... where are you from, exactly? * : I'm from Kenya. We jus' got 'ere this mornin'! * : Kenya ... I ain't gonna reckon of where y'all come from, have you, Mays? * : Isn't Kenya that other name for the British East Africa? * : Aye, but they stopped callin'e thet in 1965.Technically it was 1963, but written 1965 due to the discrepancy. * : 1965? How'd you know that? You some kind of future-reader or something? * : No, I h'ain'. I jus' know me history! * : History? 1965 is forty-two years in the future. * : I thought'e was in the pas', though ... * : Are you alright in your heart? This part of Askaterra's got a diverse variety of asylums y'all may visit! * : 'Old on ... you says Askaterra, righ'? * : That's where we're staying! * : Omg, omg, omg! [She literally jumps for joy.] * : Mays, I'm scared. * : Wait, why'm I happy? Wot year's'e h'anyways? * : Today is June 15, 1913. [Silence.] * : 1913? I shouldn' tell me kids any o' this, it may break their 'earts. Oi, watoto! [The kids all run over to Pencil excitedly.] * : Mummy, Mummy! I climbed the slide, but there was no slide! * : What kind of playground doesn't have any toys? What a rip-off! * : Don' say a word. * : There's still no service! I mean, it's 2013, and what hotel doesn't provide you with the needs to post on PYM! * : Nothin' at all. * : Guys, Sio's got summer homework! * : Oh, is it that time travel thing? * : Yeah, I have to write a journal in the perspective of someone who's travelled back a hundred years. * : Okay, we're in 1913! [A. R. I. of confusion.] * : I'll tell'ee later over tea er somethin'. * : Y'all's room is finally ready. * : Alrigh', thanks'ee very much. [He leads them off.] * : Are y'all comin' with? * : We can't. It's illegal for us to do so. * : And we must take our blame onto the anti-miscegenation laws of this state. * : Oh ... well, the church has opened its doors! * | }}: Holler if y'all need us! * : Wow, Sio, where'd you learn to speak like that? * : That Askaterran travel book really came in handy. * : Well, I can't wait to finally rest at our hotel. I hope it looks better than that other one we went to. * : This is our hotel? * : Well, it's better than none at all, innit kids? [Half-hearted replies from the children.] * : If y'all are sayin' so. [Exit Merismip.] * : Avi, you're the reading expert! What do those signs say? * : One says "For Breakers of the Law", and the other one says "Beware of Wild Dogs". * : Kids, this don' look very big; it's like one room. * : Ewww, I have to share a room with some terrifying creatures and wild dogs? * : This is, like, horrible! * : I know. But we've got ter endure'e. Believe me, when I was on BFDI, I was trapped in a box fer 'alf a year.Episode 19 to 25. I mean, it was with yer father, but still. * : Omg, is that a book I'm sitting on? * : It's probably a Bible. My travel book says American hotels usually have one. * : It's actually a copy of the law book! * : Well, this place is for lawbreakers. * : [sigh] I'd contact th' embassy but wot's the use if we're still colonial subjects? [There is a knock on the door.] * : Open up, this place has got new prisoners. [Pencil opens the door. Outside are Merismip together with Pen, Eraser and Match.] * : Oi, where ye've been? * : We'll tell you later! * : An' we'll tell'ee when've we been. * : I'd segregate y'all by r [the sky darkens] ut this has sub-human conditions anyways. And please, just 'cause I did that don't mean y'all go on kill each other. We need that Congress representation. [Exit Merismip. Everyone is confused.] * : Hey, Penc, do you mind letting us in? * : Sure, jus' ... kids, can'ee squish further in fer yer dad an' 'em? [They do so with much complaining.] * : Why is it so crowded in here? * : Yeah, our room was pretty normal-sized. * : Why'd you get a big room? * : And why'd you get kicked out? * : Omg, Saye, first of all, I don't know, and second of all, no one kicks Match out of anything. We left by ourselves * : which is what she said she was going to tell you after we got kicked out. * : This better not be somethin' tha'll get us to legal trouble. * : Well, I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was like three minutes ago. I mean, that walk of shame felt like forever! * : You did a walk of shame? * : Way to continue a tradition that doesn't exist, Dad. * : Yeah! So that woman was saying, "Thank y'all for stayin' with us. We hope you ... [Start of flashback.] : : ... find our inn services accompanying. : : Thanks! : : I will totally like do that! But where is the, like, TV? All the hotels I've been to have them. : : I'm sorry, I shall ask the innkeeper if he's got one. [Exit Bezzilene. Meanwhile, Pen looks around the room.] : : Hey, check out this vintage map! : : Omg, who cares about the past? : : Y'know, based on the fact that Poland's still a part of Russia, it says the name "Constantinople" and that our mother owns most of Libya, I'd say this is any year from 1900 to 1916. : | }}: Wow, stop boring me. And bleep you too. Sorry, that was for ourselves. : : Don't worry, I'm not mad. : : Such feelings come not to you, brother. [Enter Bezzilene once more.] : : I do apologise, humble guests, but no one in the land has ever heard of a TV. : : Aww! : : But I assumed y'all needed entertainment, so the inn has provided complementary newspapers. [She holds up a paper reading "Neither Allies nor Germany likely to win Artois Battle".] : : Also, I have been hearing complaints from the other guests that your party have been talking extensively about Europe? Y'all know there is a war going on there. : : Hey, we are not European! : : For once, he's right. : : Yeah, and for your information, the correct word for "di" is "de". And I only know this because my father went to the Thessaloniki lyceum. : : And it's not "Apple Pie Juice", it's really "Jus de Tarte aux Pommes". And I only know this because of my sideboys was a French guy who loved to drink apple juice, but in pie form. : : You never told me he was an appleholic! : : It doesn't matter on the who that said what, I can not have foreigners discussing world news in my inn. For ten months have my inns been open for Americans only. Merismip? Take these s [the sky darkens] ones out to our Dog Suite. [Merismip forces the three out of the room. End flashback.] * : So ye got kicked out o' yer 'otel acos this boy opened 'is big mouth? * : Hey, we have the same mouth size. * : Can we just sleep? It's supposed to be, like, midnight in Kenya. * : Sure, wote'er. Monday, June 16, 1913 * : Odif? [she appears to pick up something non-existent] Oh, Odif, I've missed you so ... [She looks inside the house and sees the approximately fourteen people.] * : Bless my heart, y'all must be the children my Ma just sent! Hello! *'Almost everyone': [awkwardly] Hello ... * : What are y'all waiting for? We're gonna be late for school! * : School? * : It's summer! * : All children, follow me! * : She seems compelling enough. * : Let's try new stuff for a change! [Seven of them follow her. Suddenly behind the adults Saye and Sio appear.] * : That was close. * : Wot'r'e h'all a-waitin' fer, you're late fer school! * : Um, I am in high school now! They're going to, like, the lower and mid-division, which I gladly left. * : And according to my book, someone of your age should be taking care of babies by now. * : U wot? * : Alright, son, what's your excuse? * : I * : Have none, do you? * : No. * : Well, I need someone ter 'elp me do wot'n'ale's f'r us to do. * : [waking up] I- I heard British, Penc, is that you? [He gets slapped.] * : Bro ... * : I'm sorry, it's my hand. He must have heard you call my wife "Penc", a name that only I'' call her. * : ''Fine. Penc-penc * : [slapping Eraser] Only I'VII 0411' * : We need to get out o' here. * : So Odif isn't just the name of my pet, it's the name of Clelotta's dog and Meramble's pet squirrel! We all named it Fido spelt backwards, 'cause that's the name of the dog of that general Lincoln. * : Wow! My daddy's a general * : contractor, you know how they roll in the old country! * : Well, here's our school. [The camera zooms in on a school called Jeffert Elevis School of the Elements.] * : Woah, it's like someone tried to fix our rocket, but with the mindset of someone from 1913! * : That's because * : HEY! Y'all three! What are you doing on my farm again? [Saye breathes in and out.] * : [Aside.] I'm going to do the right thing that everyone else didn't do, which is apologise. We came to rebuild say sorry for the way we messed up your farm. * : As a family, the Schreibers feel bad about it. * : Like, deeply. * : Sorry? You dang near messed up my crops and bounced this heavenly metal upon it! ... How can I thank y'all? * : You mean you're not angry at us? * : No, I am not! Y'all have inspired me to become a, what-d-they-say, mechanic! * : Well, I was glad to help! She, not so much. * : Whatever. * : I have never gotten the ability to go to mechanic school here, never got to be in my class of '85, y'know why? * | }}: No, why? * : Good morning, class. *'Students': Good morning, Miss Jones! * : Well, it appears to us that we have got six new students here! Since we all come to school to learn, let's learn where y'all come from! * : WE COME FROM KENYA! * : Shhh, let us speak with our interior voices. * : He means that we're African, ma'am. Of the British East variety. * : He knows everything! * : Oh, Africa! For that is just the lesson about which we are to learn today. Can anyone tell me what you may find in Africa? *'A student': Lions! *'Another student': Pyramids! *'A third student': Africans! * : Today everyone is correct! And speaking of ... [she approaches the back] * : What do you want with us? * : I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this school is not for y'all. The N [the sky turns cloudy briefly] o school is across the corner, next to the church building. * : I can't believe they kicked us out of school ... which is awesome! * : Yeah, what better way to be expelled than be told your own kind is not allowed? I'' am allowed everywhere! [''All of a sudden they see someone with a top hat, standing on top of boxes.] * : Welcome, welcome one and all, to the drawing to win a fourteen-country European tour! Enter your name and represent that fact that Askaterra is not a land of foreign-fearers. So enter, now! * : We should enter! * : We actually should. [A. R. I. of agreement. They all enter their names into the rally.] * : Now remember, y'all, come into the town square tomorrow and see the winner. * : Good thing Mrs Chembe's gi'en us directions to the closes' apparen' embassy in thet e-mail, eh? * : Let's go in! [Inside is a rather elegant room. A (contemporarily) formal-looking man is sitting down as a concierge.] * : Good day, madams. Are you both British citizens? * : No, I * : Aye, yes, we both live in Kenya I mean, British Eas' Africa, h'an' we'd like to get back ter our country. * : Your request is accepted. * : Omg, yay! * : Thanks so much! * : Let me contact the authorities in Britain first, through the telegram. [They wait.] * : So what's the plan? * : You go ask the owner if tonight is open for entertainment. * : Entertainment? Y'mean, sing songs and like that? * : Yes! Well, more particularly, we are going to sing songs from wait-for-it, Ruddigore! * : Why? * : Hey, we didn't memorise entire operas for nothing! * : Okay. But you do the talking. I hate most objects, but these ones take the cake for "worst-mannered", and that's coming from me! * : I can talk to him! How hard can it be anyway? [Scene cut to Pen already having a conversation with the saloon owner.] * : Yes, of course! We love all things Eye-talian! * : [trying not to break his smile] Er ... * : Eye-talian food, Eye-talian factory workers, I even dot my tally marks with eyes thus an Eye-talian opera is within the scope of this entertainment centre. * : Really? Thank you so much, sir! But it's English opera, y'know, Gilbert and Sullivan? * : I don't know what a sullivan is. But I shall see y'all at eight tonight, though that also means we must cancel the dancing girls. [Enter Eraser out of the darkness.] * : Woah, woah, woah: Three things! First, we're also Greek. Second, when can I see the dancing girls? And third, are we charging people to watch us? * : Seriously, Eraser? * : Every day of the week save for the days of the Lord. And tonight, as this Eye * : Please, I'll just save you the trouble, sir, and say "you're welcome". We've got to have him say it right. * : Third, why not? I'll charge everyone a fifty-cent admission fee. * | }}: Oh. * : I send my sincerest apologies, but there is no way for you to get back to Nairobi. Your ship must travel to London first before arriving in Africa, and Foreign Service strongly suggest that you should not travel within European waters due to the war. * : Oh. [They exit, disappointed.] * : Well, 'ere's a pretty how-de-do! * : How are we, like, supposed to end up home? * : 'Ow was school, kids? * : I can not tell a lie! * : I'' can, and school was ''fabulous. * : Yeah! They sold raffle tickets! * : Meanwhile, we watched movies all day! * : Really? Wot selection's 'ere to watch; it's 1913! * : It's a new one. Well, it's old, but it's "Birth of a Nation".Which is an actual movie from the time period: BoaN released on February, it is currently June. * : The whole class have already seen it, and they felt so bad that we were the only ones who haven't watched, so Miss Jones played it for us! * : Wow. * : Speaking of entertainment, I've got a plan for all of us to get back to Kenya! * : Alright, kids, y'all go sit in the audience while we get everything ready. * : "Y'all"? Wow, you're so Askaterrian now! [They go their separate ways.] * : I can't believe we got front row seats to see our parents do Ruddigore! This is the happiest day of the century that I'm not going to live in … *'A waiter': [walking by] Excuse me, but your type of person is only allowed in the back seats. [ZYXSQ move to the back.] * : [dragging Javier and Citlali] Go with us! * : Usually, reserved seats are in the front, but okay! [Meanwhile, backstage.] * : I see we have two women here! * : Omg, where? * : He was talking about us I mean, her I mean, you! * : Ma'am, it is not minstrelsy night. That comes tomorrow in a package with the dancing girls. * : Yay, with the dancing girls! * : Excuse, wot does thet mean? * : These men know exactly what that means. * : Oh yeah. Penc, a word. [He takes her aside.] * : Hi. * : Wot'n'ale's thet men e'en talkin' thet nonsense o'? * : You know how Askaterra's society is, eh? * : Aye, very differen' from ours. * : Well, if we want to put on a show tonight, you're going to have to change your … how do I say it … appearance? * : Wot, wot're'ee sayin', I'm ugly? says I'a got an 'ideous face 'ere, m8 * : No, you're beautiful, I swear! But in order to conform to society, like we always do, you're going to have to be a little different! Mr. Saloon Owner, sir, do you have any of those Greek theatre masks? * : We have a collection! Have much as y'all want! * : I'll only need one! [A few minutes later, the lights in the audience go out, one by one.''After all, they are lit by candlelight. ''The saloon owner walks up to the stage.] * : Good evening, gentlemen and c [the sky, although night time, becomes day for a split second] ls. [Raucous chatter.] * : Tonight, on this evening of the sixteenth of June, nineteen-hundred-thirteen, our brand new theatrical group and stuff, evidently from the warring nation of from the whither the new-fangled tango comes, will be presenting to y'all a performance from that old Broadway musical, Ru Rude Rud-di-go-er! [Some applause emanates from the audience.] * : Broadway? This is British, not American! * : Shut up, I want to hear where my name comes from! * : Now, these two men this morning requested … [Pen and Eraser look at each other] … that there be an ore-kister to accompany the music. But alas, we have none of those fancy means. Yet we do have a pianner, played by one of Askaterra's finest, Pianalla. See what I did there? * | }}: [from backstage] No. * : I * : She is not permitted to speak. And so, on with the show! * : Ooh, it's starting! [The curtain rises, and Pencil (wearing a mask) and Match sing on stage, playing the Bridesmaids. For approximately ninety minutes, the opera goes on, without interruption, in the way listed below.] Overview of the Askaterra Ruddigore Back to the script ♫ For happy the lily, The lily when kissed by the bee; But happier than any, But happier than any, A lover is, when he Embraces his bride! ♫ [The show ends in wild applause, even as Pencil reveals herself.] *'An audience member': We don't care what y'all are now that we're enlightened! *'Another one': I guess we shouldn't have judged y'all in the first place. Tuesday, June 17, 1913 * : And presently, for the moment for which y'all have been waiting, the winner of our annual TourSkaterra International Tour is ... [he pulls the piece of paper out of a hat, and a literal drumroll is played ''] Xi ... Xie ... Xime ... naaaaa Sch ... Sch I think this surname is not American. * : It's not! It's Kenyan! [''Ximena steps up to shake Rumloe's hand.] * : Thank you so much, mister! I'd have never thought I'd win a contest! [Everyone in the crowd cheers.] * : Whoo-hoo! * : Nice job, Mona! * : Your fourteen-country European tour awaits you and your family. Congratulations! [At once, the crowd disperses.] * : [not enthusiastically] Yay ... * : Omg, can you believe it? We're, like, going on a tour! * : I've always wanted to visit the EU before it was created! * : Just like the old days, eh, bro? [he sees that Pen is not there] Pen? [He looks around, and stops where he sees Pen sadly sitting on the corner of a building.] * : What the hell, bruh? [All of a sudden, the rocket from two days ago drops on top of him. Surprisingly, nobody notices. Sio, Saye and Cil pop out.] * : Anybody looking for a trip for fourteen? * : Omg, a, like, rocket! How is nobody looking at it? [Match and Eraser enter, along with JCZYXSQ. Pencil stays behind.] * : Mum, are you coming? * : In a second! [Apoelia and Maysador see Pencil.] * : Y'all have done it! * : 'Ello. * : What's wrong? Are y'all's feelings weird? * : No, I jus' feel guilty. I shouldn't have done that play. * : But everyone loved it! * : I know, but I jus' changed 'istory, jus' acos I was a-bein' someone I wasn'. I e'en wore a mask ter 'ide me true self. Before I came 'ere, all ye'd be livin' in a reality where the States 'a' still got injustice problems with ... y'know ... an' now e'eryone's crazy nice! 'Ow'll things be h'a-changin' in the future? * : What do you mean, now? In your old time, we were all livin' in hell. But now look at everyone! They couldn't love everyone any more than they do now! [Pencil looks on the streets total integration and everyone seems to be happier.] * : We were going to head up North, where marriage of these types is considered to be legal, but I feel it safe to be that we all live here! * : You see? There's no way you could have made this world a worse place, thanks to y'all people. * : [thinking] Yer right! E'eryone's all nice, thanks to me! I guess I could do a little service fer the good this time. * : We are currently heading to the church. Would you like to see our matrimony? * : Wow, I'd love to! But me family've got to set 'ome to 2013. Bes' wishes, though! [Exit Apoelia and Maysador.] * : You were here all night fixing the rocket? * : Of course! And I couldn't have done this without a little help. * : Wow, Saye was actually useful? * : No, but she did provide emotional support. * : [on her phone whilst carrying Cil] Ugh, I've been on the Calculator app for, like, ten hours and I still haven't learned any maths! [Enter Pencil.] * : Whoo, I feel good. * : Omg, you had one of those talks where you, like, learned a lesson! * : I bet there was sweet music, too. * : [sigh] The classic Full House moment. [A laugh track plays.] * : Wow, kids, so y' fixed this machine all by yerself? * : Kind of. [Eraser bangs on the bottom of the rocket violently.] * : Wot'n'ale's y' doin', m8? * : You know where that rocket landed, it was on top of Pen! * : Ah, yes, above thet blue an' white idiot. * : Mum! * : That was rather ... I can't remember what the "-ist" is, since it doesn't exist here anymore! [Pen appears out of a hole in the rocket.] * : What goes on? * : How did you get through? Corelman says the material is stronger than the feelings that he predicts "y'all descendants" are going to be hurt a hundred years from now. * : Clearly all that's in his cap is his ego, ayyy! * : Match, not particularly nice! Although thet's true ... * : Penc, a word. Again. [She takes him aside.] * : Hi. * : I swear, if this conversation don' end in a change in societal relations I mean, oi, wot's the matter with'ee? Turnin' down a fourteen-country European tour, you ne'er do thet! Thet's fourteen countries we could potentially visit! * : Listen, dear, I've never told anyone this before, but the last time I went to Europe, my mother took Dad, Eraser and me to Gallipoli ... [he looks around] ... the one in Italy, not where the war is taking place. * : Aye? * : Mum went to the beach while we were sleeping, and she jumped to the Ionian Sea; we never saw her again. * : But Pen * : Look, I know how you'd like us to try new things all the time, but I can't so much as visit the EU before it was created without thinking of who ... who I went with but didn't return. * : Oh, 'ow I ne'er knew you felt thet way!I'm sorry, if you don' wan' to go to with us, you don' 'a' to. I'll totally understand 'ow ye feel. * : I understand how you feel, too. * : Eraser? * : What are you doing in this conversation? * : I was there, remember? Whatever sadness you're feeling, I might be feeling, like, a hundred times more. * : Aww, that's sweet! * : Don't call me sweet. [Pencil goes and hugs Pen, followed by the rest of eveyrone else, except Match.] * : Omg, kind-of-brother, I'm, like, totally sympathising with you, but where's my Full House moment? * : Aunt Match, remember that farmer you told all of us to run away from? * : Sure, why? * : Like, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't be able to get into this rocket! * : He made enough money to send himself to technical school, since it's been inner intra * : Interrogated. * : He means "integrated". * : Oh no, school stuff! * : Wow! I suddenly have the urge to start feeling, like, totally wholesome! * : Everyone, suddenly have the urge to start feeling uncommunicative. * : Let me handle this. EVERYONE, SHUT UP! [Everyone becomes quiet.] * : Avi's got a plan to get us back home. Want to hear it? * : Not particularly. * : Sure, e'en though I probably won' understand'e. * : Okay, I know how to get home: Since we first got here by travelling higher than the positive speed of light, we need to go back by [Someone pokes on the rocket window. Pen opens the door.] * : Hi. * : Newly-hired Sheriff Orther here. You have been summoned to court and potential arrest. * : Why, officer? * : Did you and three others perform the show Ruddigore here without written permission from the author? * : Yes, sir. Why? * : A representative from the warring city of Lone ... Loan ... Lonn * : London? * : Yes, that city, and he has sent a warning that the alterations or public performance an existing copyrighted theatrical production is against the law and may result in a lawsuit. * : Omg, we're in trouble? * : If all of y'all step outside of this automobile, you will be. * : Pen, this is your fault! * : Hey, all I did was seduce the saloon owner with Eye—I mean, I''talian opera! * : Which then turned out to be English! * : And still copyrighted! * : They like to say American as the national language here, Eraser.Or at least that's what it seemed to be in Illinois from 1923 to 1969. * : Did it ever occur to you mantelopes that you could have just said, like, you were Greek? * : I agree, Aunt Match. * : But how could you mispronounce "Greek"? * : Greck! * : Jee-reek? * : E'eryone, I've got another plan ... 'FLY THIS THING, AVI!' [''At once, the rocket levitates, and then disappears.] * : Beings from outside this world: that was the third I've seen all week. Monday, June 17, 2013 * : There you guys are! I thought I left you two days ago! * : We've been having so much fun with your rocket, Firey! * : Well, I'm glad you're happy. I've just been fired. * : Omg, my smokin' hot Firey butt, no! * : Seriously? * : I'm sorry, I was describing a physical characteristic, like, descriptively. * : Aww ... do you want me to talk to your boss with you? * : Okay! * : We'll walk together, if you suddenly faint or get sprayed or something. * : Hey, can I come? * : No, Dad hates you! * : Oi, don' be cocky, m8! * : [walking away] That's like telling your dad not to be presidential! [Exit Pen and Firey.] * : [sigh] Thet man's the reason I got married. * : I still can't believe that it took us such a short time to return back to normal! * : I can't believe we broke, like, every law of physics! * : Well, it's, like, better than breaking the law of Askaterra. * : True! [Enter Mrs. Chembe, crying.] * : , Mrs Chembe! * : Omg, hi! How was the show? * : Our company really missed your presence in Askaterra. We had to use backups, and that meant pairing up Bubble with Gelatin! Their stage chemistry isn't ... good. * : I'm sorry, but we've been performin' Ruddigore also. Jus' not in the wrong place. * : Unamaanisha nini? * : See for yourself, ma'am! [She shows video footage of last night.] * : You videoed ther 'ole show? * : Of course! There were no signs that said "no video cameras"! * : She's right. [Mrs Chembe observes the video.] * : And was this performed at the Wallstone Lee Theater? * : Oh, no, it was a' some saloon. * : Ye Olde Dixie, I think. * : That is the old name of Wallstone Lee! So you were there! Are you wearing a mask? * : I had to, er else Askaterra'd'n' 'a' the social change they do today. * : Oh, how I am so proud of all four of you! Firey, not so much. He never gave me an excuse. * | }}: Thanks, Mrs C! ♫ Fair is Rose as bright May-day; Soft is Rose as warm west-wind; Sweet is Rose as new-mown hay — Rose is queen of maiden-kind! Rose, all glowing With virgin blushes, say — Is anybody going To marry you to-day? ... [The rest of the video recording of ''Ruddigore continues on to the end of the episode.] '''THE END' Category:Episodes Category:New episode